HOMEcoming’s Mini Radical Sabbatical: Decolonize, Dismantle, Dive Deep
On Needs and Wants
Giving in to receiving. Giving in to receiving is what I have been practicing since I left my traditional work in human services in the non-profit sector almost two years ago, to the day.
Giving In is the name of the podcast created by two beloved friends and the episode we Divinely co-created is called, Giving In to Receiving, imagine that.
Giving in to receiving, receptivity, is how I found myself saying yes to that podcast and the endless extraordinarily generous gifts from perfect strangers, my beloved community, and my partners in creativity and love.
Leaning into receptivity may sound like a good time–some get to live out their royal treatment fantasies, others get to enjoy the positive external validation that comes from being loved and cared for–for me, the thought of receiving from others, let alone the act of receiving, activated a seizing up of my whole body. A compliment would cause me to dissociate, where I oftentimes would leave my body, and accepting a gift/act of kindness would require an incredible amount of insistence and dare I say fight from the giver for me to eventually, possibly accept their kindness. Sound exhausting? Sound like a lot? Yas, it was! As I write this my body is having all kinds of sensations that can only be articulated in a few sounds, “ooooof!” “sheesh!” “phew!” Part of my struggle was that I was unclear about what I needed or wanted or deserved (this last one I’ll unpack later in the series). And if I was unclear about what I needed and wanted, I was most definitely, ignorantly certain that what anyone was offering wasn’t it. And so I was regularly responding to acts of care with, “No thanks, I’m good,” or I would simply take care of it myself, whenever it was that I made time for myself, that is.
As a caregiver in recovery, I am great at assessing the needs of others, but assessing my own was an entirely different realm.
In efforts to get my mind right and my body open to some possibilities, I did what I often do: I sat quietly with Self and with what teacher was calling me to the lesson(s) I needed to work through.
Enter bell hooks:
The wounded child inside many males is a boy who, when he first spoke his truths, was silenced by paternal sadism, by a patriarchal world that did not want him to claim his true feelings. The wounded child inside many females is a girl who was taught from early childhood on that she must become something other than herself, deny her true feelings, in order to attract and please others.
When men and women punish each other for truth telling we reinforce the notion that lies are better. To be loving we willingly hear each other’s truth and, most important, we affirm the value of truth telling.
Lies may make people feel better, but they do not help them to know love.
And so, my Radical Sabbatical dove deep as I sat with the shock, grief, shame, disappointment and wonder of being so disconnected from my very own needs.
If this conversation resonates with you and you’re in the Louisville area and feel called to share in space and conversation, please join us at HOMEcoming’s Mini Radical Sabbatical: Decolonize, Dismantle, Dive Deep on Sunday October 20th for some tending to Self in community. We will be focusing on Needs and Wants –What Are They? Who Is Responsible for Them?
I’m looking forward to facilitating thoughtful, strengths-based, spiritually embodied discussion and practices about these questions together. What you discover may have the potential to transmute what no longer serves you, which may in turn prepare you to decolonize, dismantle, and dive deep into our collective potential for healing and liberation. A tall order? Yes, if we are alone. But together we can make lighter this needed work.
My offering to you in our Radical Sabbatical:
· Co-created, safe space with nourishing snacks and hot tea
· Engaging conversation about the systemic issues we all face together/individually
· Embodied practices you can take with you to ground your daily life
This is the second session of a weekly series this fall, so check the calendar and if this date doesn’t work for you, please do check other dates as well. And if you’d like to have a HOMEcoming Radical Sabbatical experience for your private group or team, I am accepting bookings through 2025.
Mad love and care,
Arlene
P.S.
You are welcomed to contemplate and be in conversation with community, reflecting on these questions in the comments:
What are your needs? What are your wants? What have been your experiences when seeking to get your needs and wants met? I’m interested in hearing from you.
***For the purposes of this conversation, as defined by some smart folks in print, needs are broad themes/categories of what humans require to live a humane life (food, shelter, care, safety, etc.), wants are how humans get those needs explicitly met.***